Those two little pink lines confirmed what my body had been telling me for weeks, I was pregnant. I was overwhelmed with fear, anguish and terror. I had no idea what I was going to do especially since I was already raising two boys on my own. Even though my pregnancy was the result of a situation that was out of my control, I felt shameful and did not want anyone to know what had happened.
I had always been "pro-life" and never supported abortion but in all honesty, it crossed my mind. I was only four weeks pregnant and I thought that it would be the “easy way out," because no one else would have to know or be hurt. A lot of people would say that I would have been completely justified in making that choice. But despite the circumstances, I just could not bring myself to do it.
Even though it's been extremely hard and scary I chose life for my baby. I knew that God had a wonderful plan for my baby and part of that plan was adoption. I put a lot of thought, tears, and prayer into my decision to place my baby for adoption. I wanted him to have so much more than I could offer him at the time. I wanted him to have a home with two parents who were emotionally and financially stable. I loved him so much that I was willing to put his needs above the desires of my heart. I knew that it would be heartbreaking to let him go, but I also had peace from God that He would work it out for good and for His glory. With God's leading hand I found the perfect home for my baby with a couple that I absolutely adore.
Choosing to place my baby for adoption was the hardest most heartbreaking decision of my entire life, but God promised me that if I trusted Him and His plan that He would turn the ashes into beauty. Our adoption has not been easy or without challenges, but it’s an example of how God can redeem what seems like the most dark and hopeless situation and turn it into something beautiful. I'm so thankful for our open adoption. I'm thankful for my baby’s parents and that God made us all a family. I’m thankful for how happy, loved, and well cared for my baby is. I'm thankful that God is always faithful to fulfill His promises.
And provide for those who grieve in Zion to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
Placing a baby for adoption is a life-long, life-altering decision. Therefore, post-placement support and love is crucial to a birth mother's well-being. Being an advocate and supporter to my fellow birth moms has become one of the deepest desires of my heart! My hope is that all birth mothers will be recognized as brave and strong for their selfless acts of courage, and that they receive the support and encouragement that they deserve.
One of my favorite quotes I’ve discovered along this journey is:
“There’s strong, and then there’s birth mom strong."
Birth mothers are some of the strongest women walking the planet and I’m proud to be part of this sisterhood!
Amber is our Motha from Oregon. Read more about her here.