Today I’m on the beach celebrating and taking a moment of reflection. Two years ago at 5:34am I gave birth to the most perfect little boy. When I think about that blissful day, it seems like I’m watching it happen to somebody else. Two years can feel like a split second or a long and agonizing journey, but for me it just feels surreal. Yesterday I opened my box of his hospital items per my annual birthday tradition, and I kept thinking... ‘Did I really do all of that two years ago?’
Hell yeah I did. Blood, sweat, and tears baby! It’s crazy! My life two years ago is completely foreign to me now. The farther I move forward, the harder it is to remember what life was like before I became a birth mom. So, in honor of these two years, I am going to tell you about the 5 most important things I have learned in these 2 years.
- Most people do not have your back. I have lost a few friends in this process, and not in a dramatic way, but just because you quickly find out who’s on your team in your darkest moments. If you haven’t figured it out already, you are always going to find out that people aren’t on your team. This is okay. You will make it without them, I promise. When the shock value wears off, don’t be angry. They just weren’t cut out to be in this with you. Have faith that there are people out there that will walk this with you. Save your energy for whole and healthy relationships.
- Purpose and passion go hand in hand. It’s important to realize that not only did our placement give our kids a better chance, but it gave us a better chance. This adoption choice has often made me feel like I journeyed to hell and back, but is has made me strong and resilient. That is one thing no one can take from me. My purpose has been made clear to me over time, and maybe you aren’t sure of your purpose yet, but keep searching because you certainly have one. With your purpose, you will find passion, and these two will light the fire inside of you.
- It’s okay to have regrets, but it’s not okay to let them poison you. I have regrets, of course I do. I am human. There are days when I regret a lot of the choices I have made, and at times I have even regretted my adoption. I know many of you have too. It’s okay to feel the things you feel. You don’t have to feel guilty because you have a regret. You don’t have to put on a happy face all the time and act like adoption is the best thing that’s ever happened to you. However, don’t let it destroy you, because regrets are dangerous. If I dwelled on all my regrets, I would never get out of bed. My regrets about my adoption are fleeting, which lets me know they aren’t based on anything concrete. But I know that’s not the case for everyone. Have your regrets because you are entitled to them, but always keep striving to find peace in your heart.
- Moving forward does not equal moving on. I find ways to move forward in my life every single day, but I’m not forgetting about my struggles that brought me here. In the words of the great 2 Chainz, “If it wasn’t for the struggle than I wouldn’t be me.” 🙂 You don’t have to move on from your grief or your adoption, or “get over it,” but make progress. Stay hungry, and keep pressing forward.
- You can grieve and celebrate, all in one day. Today I will cry. Today I will laugh. Today I will let myself feel all of the ups and downs. Today is May 17. My birth son is two years old, my adoption is two years old, my grief is two years old, and my new life is two years old. There are reasons to celebrate and there are reasons to grieve, and you can do it all at the same time.
Cheers to two years. XOXO