This blog was written by a birth mom who is a subscriber to From Anotha Motha. She is a brave mama, and is extremely proud of her choice to place. She has asked to remain anonymous, but I want her to know - she is a strong lady and deserves joy!
It’s been years since I’ve enjoyed Mother’s Day, and honestly, it’s become one of my least favorite holidays over the past few years. But not for the reason you’d expect - you know, that I’d placed a child for adoption and now felt an emptiness. Nope, the child I placed is only 6 months old. This is her first Mother’s Day with an amazing woman that I made a first time mommy. You see, when I placed my baby with adoptive parents, I was already a mother of three. I was a good mom, with a successful business that allowed me to provide a good life for my children while still being home with them. I had a good relationship with their dads, although with the occasional hiccup here and there. I shared custody and every weekend my girls would leave on Friday to spend three or four days with their dads, then return to spend the week with me. When I got pregnant on a one night stand, I knew two things, 1) I didn’t want to raise another child in a broken home when this was something that I already felt such guilt about with my other children, and 2) Keeping this child would stretch me so thin it would affect all the children involved, including the new baby. So I chose adoption.
Mother’s Day with three kids, each who I shared with their ever-important fathers, was always stressful. Trying to arrange how to get them without argument or drama. What time to pick them up and where. Dad wouldn’t want to have to drive out twice to meet me. Cranky kids not understanding the significance of the day. Trying to do something fun that would lead to squabbling siblings and messes for me to clean up. It wasn’t uncommon for me to end up in tears by the end of the day. For me, Mother’s Day had become a bitter reminder of the relationships I’d spent years in that I was unable to make work. The past few years I quit even trying to have my kids on Mother’s Day, and would instead meet up with childless friends for a beer or a margarita. Or I’d sit at home and pamper myself while watching movies and dwelling on my shortcomings in life. It’s been years since I’ve received a card or a gift or flowers on this day (because those are the things dads do with their kids for mom). And I was okay with this. To me, Mother’s Day was just another day, and I liked it that way.
Then in November last year, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, and I placed her with the most wonderful couple. I made their dreams come true. It was the most amazing, rewarding experience for me to be part of this gift. I still cannot put it into words. This Mother’s Day, for the first time in years, I was excited. I didn’t feel a loss. I felt happy. I was excited for this beautiful woman who had spent years yearning for children, to finally be a mom on Mother’s Day. I found an adorable little outfit on Amazon that said “Happy First Mother’s Day Mommy” and sent the link to the adoptive father a couple weeks before the big day. He ordered it immediately, told me his plan to dress the baby in it before his wife woke up, and surprise her. HE was excited about Mother’s Day for the first time. And the mom, well, you can only imagine how she felt. As for me, I had given the gift of motherhood, and that was the best feeling ever.
So, as I finish up my first Mother’s Day as a birth mom, there’s no sorrow in my house this year, only joy.