My name is Samm. At the age of 21 I became pregnant. At first, I was so excited and so happy - I was going to have a mini-me running around. I would get to live life with this little me! All of the bad was finally turning to good. Though I was pregnant and had decided to parent her, I had carefully considered every option. I even thought about both abortion and adoption. Though I quickly crossed abortion off my list, adoption was always an option. I began to notice that the birth father didn’t do much to help me out and he was always concerned with how he would live his own life. I was the one making sacrifices. I had to put my education on hold, work a part-time job, and learn to live on a waitress salary to provide for myself and my daughter.
Soon, I decided that adoption was the best choice for me and my baby. But as soon as I decided, I was criticized and yelled at for deciding that option. When I was three months pregnant, my current boyfriend reassured me that I needed to find the absolute best option for my baby. I was going to parent her... I had clothes, diapers, a crib, even a car seat. Things began to fall apart, left and right. My family wasn't supportive; they didn’t even want to throw me a baby shower. The birth father had blocked me from his life and didn’t want anything to do with me until the baby was born. Among other things, life wasn't lining up.
At 35 weeks, I made a call to an agency and finally got to talk to someone who could help me through all of this. I met with the adoptive parents one time, and that's all it took. I knew they were the perfect fit. On March 13, 2016, my beautiful daughter was born. I named her Blayke. She went home from the hospital with the adoptive parents, and we thought it was all over.
When Blayke was about a month and a half old, we got notice that the birth dad wanted to contest the adoption. I thought it was all over, and I was worried that I had just ruined a perfect family. This battle in court went on for about three months, until his attorney didn’t turn the paperwork in on time to contest the adoption. In October we were faced with a judge who would make the final decision, letting us know if the adoption would be final or if Blayke would come home with me. I was so worried that I would lose everything I had done to show her I did the right thing. Three long weeks later, we got a call that the adoption was final. I felt like I was no longer her mother and she was no longer my daughter; all we had was blood to show we were the same.
Blayke has a new name now, but she will always be Blayke to me. I can't help but feel my own emotions. Sometimes I feel like I did this for the wrong reasons and even that I regret my decision... and just wish I had my daughter. I didn’t have support from anyone except my boyfriend. I didn’t get to spend time with her in the hospital, or anything I wish I could have. I struggle just like anyone else would. And though I went through the most difficult situation ever, I am happy Blayke is with an amazing family, and I will always, 100%, be there for my daughter.